i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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