He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
