Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
