considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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