U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
