Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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