These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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