the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
