if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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