I should be sponsored by Trojan
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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