I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm always down for nudity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
