do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
