he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
