...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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