you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
