The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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