She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
