Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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