I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize