dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
