hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
