i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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