i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
