Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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