I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
