We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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