Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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