if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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