Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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