Do you still have your period?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
