why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
