i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
