If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
