im having a threesome with these popsicles
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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