there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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