so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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