he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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