I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
