a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
honey bunches of taint.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
