wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
