Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
