ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize