ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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