you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize