you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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