I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
