Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
