Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
