I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
