so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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