I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
