oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
