Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
