The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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