that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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