I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
