it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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