im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize