They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
