you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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