i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
