Do vagina's smell?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
