I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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