ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
