Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
