i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
