I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
